This article addresses the negative self-beliefs stemming from the ‘established versus outsider’ phenomenon, which often leads to feelings of insecurity and not belonging. By understanding how social dynamics influence these beliefs, the article offers strategies to overcome them, emphasizing the importance of self-belief, perseverance, and shared purpose. It provides actionable steps for high-achievers to reframe negative self-beliefs and take control of their self-identity and leadership journey.

Imagine feeling like you are exactly where you are supposed to be. You belong and know what you have to offer to the world and the people around you. Do me a favor and read the quote out loud. How does it make you feel?

“I feel confident about what I’m able to do, and I think I should be here doing it.” – Jo Dunkley.

When I came across this quote in Janice Kaplan in ‘The Genius of Women’ 3 things came to my mind:

1. It is up to you to make yourself feel comfortable in the space you want to be.
2. Confidence comes from believing in yourself.
3. People will only know how to support you if you speak up and share your ideas.

It isn’t always as simple as that. While many people attribute their negative thoughts to Imposter Syndrome or lack of self-confidence, I’d like to introduce a different factor that causes insecurity and feelings of not belonging, often leading to negative self-talk.

The established versus outsider phenomenon.

Through his research, Norbert Elias showed the established versus outsider phenomenon. The established group signals to newcomers that they are less valuable. This can happen subconsciously, nonverbally, or verbally. 

The good news is that the last time you felt:

• less welcome in a new environment
• like you didn’t belong
• or like an imposter,

you didn’t make it up.

However, you might have thought that your lack of self-trust or your introverted side made you feel this way. It might have crossed your mind that the people around you are not necessarily making it easier for you. But then self-doubt crept in again because it is much easier to doubt yourself than to question the attitude of others. 

The emotional shifts to achieve a leadership mindset: Three beliefs you need to let go of to flourish as a high-achiever:

The most significant shift in my life happened when I understood what life was about. I had to start taking it less seriously and enjoy it more. The big mental obstacles I needed to overcome for this were: 

1. That you need to work harder than everyone else to prove your worth
2. That you need to learn more before you step into a new role
3. That your work will speak for itself without you talking about your achievements.

It has much to do with culture, biases, and power structures. That means a lot of it, no matter how difficult it is to accept, isn’t a conscious retaliation against a newcomer. Let’s be honest: we humans are generally lazy, and it takes energy to create awareness and change. It doesn’t make it right, but it might help you overlook it and make yourself belong.

You need grit, perseverance, and a healthy portion of arrogance to overcome and withstand this. Simply stated, you belong wherever you feel like you should belong. So make yourself belong and ignore the naysayers. They generally turn into supporters once they see the impact of your work.  

Another aspect that is on your side is the effect of a shared purpose. Social identity theory describes that a sense of belonging and acceptance stems from a shared purpose. Shared goals or missions offer guidance and purpose to individual members. Eventually, there will be an emotional significance to your identification with a group, and your self-esteem will become bound by group membership.

Every new encounter might start with social categorization, which means that you and others identify themselves based on attributes like race, gender, nationality, or religion. Which inherently first creates a division, a shared purpose, and goals will initiate ‘Social Identification’.

Once you understand yourself as a member of a particular group, you adopt that group’s identity. This means you begin to see yourself in terms of group characteristics and adopt its norms, values, and behaviors.

Jo Dunkley, a British astrophysicist, never questioned her belongings, and it never crossed her mind that her gender would be an obstacle to her career. Her tenacity and positive attitude helped her become remarkable in her field, as well as her self-identification as a scientist and astrophysicist.  

As the social identity theory explains, once you categorize yourself as a leader, the chances are you will adopt the identity of a leader and begin to act in the ways you believe leaders act (and conform to the norms of the group, because even as a person in leadership, you are still part of a group).

Now let’s get back to you and how you can let go of your negative self-beliefs: 

Ask yourself the following questions?

What beliefs do you carry within yourself? 

Where do they come from?

How do you see them showing up in your everyday life?

Are these beliefs self-constructed or a result of a social dynamic? 

And if you would like to dive deeper into understanding and resolving your negative self-beliefs you can dive into the following exercise:

1. Self-Belief Reframe Journal

Objective: Identify, challenge, and reframe negative self-beliefs.

Instructions:

• Step 1: Identify Negative Beliefs
  Start by writing down any negative self-beliefs that you notice throughout the day. These might include thoughts like “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t belong here,” or “I need to work harder to be recognized.”
• Step 2: Challenge the Belief
  For each negative belief, ask yourself:
  • Is this belief based on facts or assumptions?
  • What evidence do I have that contradicts this belief?
  • What would I say to a friend who expressed this belief about themselves?
• Step 3: Reframe the Belief
  Rewrite each negative belief into a positive or neutral statement. For example:
  • “I’m not good enough” becomes “I am continuously growing and improving.”
  • “I don’t belong here” becomes “I belong wherever I choose to be and have valuable contributions to make.”

Outcome: Over time, this exercise will help you build a habit of recognizing and reframing negative self-beliefs, leading to a more positive self-perception.

2. Visualization of Success

Objective: Build confidence and a positive self-identity by visualizing yourself succeeding.

Instructions:

• Step 1: Find a Quiet Space
  Sit in a comfortable position in a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed.
• Step 2: Visualize Your Ideal Self
  Close your eyes and imagine yourself in a situation where you feel confident and successful. Picture yourself achieving your goals, whether it’s leading a meeting, giving a presentation, or simply interacting confidently in a social setting.
• Step 3: Engage All Your Senses
  Make the visualization as vivid as possible by engaging all your senses:
  • What do you see? (Yourself smiling, others responding positively)
  • What do you hear? (Your voice, others’ encouraging words)
  • What do you feel? (Confidence, calmness, empowerment)
• Step 4: Affirm Your Success
  As you visualize, repeat a positive affirmation that resonates with you, such as “I am capable and belong here” or “I am a confident leader.”

Outcome: Regularly practicing this can help you internalize a positive self-image, reinforcing your belief in your ability to succeed.

These exercises are designed to be simple yet powerful tools for shifting your mindset and reinforcing a more positive and empowered self-identity.

My initial goal wasn’t necessarily to be in a leadership position; my goal was to lead my own life. Let me be more precious: to live a self-determined life. 

Leadership starts with the ability to lead yourself. For that, you need to disconnect from your current beliefs and reconnect to the beneficial thoughts and ideas on your development journey.